If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.
If you have to be in a soap opera try not to get the worst role.
If you`re there before it`s over, you`re on time.
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly . . . very slowly.
If you can't be kind, at least be vague.
If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.