My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down. Told her it's because I can't stand doing it! |
Did you know that bees are actually allergic to pollen? They break out in hives! |
I was walking past a farm and a sign said "Duck, eggs" I thought: "That's an unnecessary comma" and then it hit me! |
The salesman at the furniture store told me, `This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.` I said, `Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?` |
Google Khoje, Yahoo Khoje, Aur Khoje Bing... Kahat Kabira Sun Bhai Sadho, You Gotta Search Within! |
Make today so awesome yesterday gets jealous! Good Morning! |
Whoever said "your harshest critic is yourself" obviously wasn't married! |
I'm a perfectionist when it comes to making my wife angry! |
Rainy days are so good. You can open all the windows and drink a cold beer in your underwear. Not sure why my Uber driver is threatening to call the cops! |
My wife is very simple and has only two permanent problems: 1. Nothing to wear 2. No place to keep all her clothes |