| Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. |
| Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. |
| All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. |
| All men are equal before fish. |
| A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice. |
| A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don`t have a top for it. |
| A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. |
| A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, `At my age, I don`t even buy green bananas.` |
| A nickel ain`t worth a dime anymore. |
| A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. |