| My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership! |
| Everybody is saying stealing is wrong. Personally, I don't buy it! |
| Interviews these days: Interviewer: Character certificate? Candidate: Sorry sir I forgot, but you can check my mobile gallery instead! |
| My uncle works for a company that makes bicycle wheels. He's the Spokesman! |
| Archaeology really is a career in ruins! |
| Always counting to ten after someone pisses you off. It gives you time to think of somewhere to bury him! |
| As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said: "You know, one would have been enough!" |
| The lack of pockets on women's pants is part of a conspiracy to sell more purses and hand bags! |
| I went to the hospital for a stress test. They connected the machines and made me watch my wife parking my car! And I failed the test! |
| Britain is the best place for foodies, you lose pounds everytime you eat! |
