| Interviewer: It says here you have forklift experience? Man: That's correct, I eat noodles with a fork! |
| Some guy just assaulted me with milk, cream, and butter. How dairy! |
| Dad's advice some years ago; "If you get into a fight in the pub, put a snooker ball in your sock." Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk! |
| After spending 20 minutes trying to get my girl's bra off I decided to give up. I wish I'd never put it on now! |
| An elderly couple was in church: The woman whispers to her husband, "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?" He softly replied, "Get a new battery for your hearing aid!" |
| Life teaches us that you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs. Kids teach us that you can break a LOT of eggs and not be able to make an omelette at all! |
| I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He gave me a hug! |
| When one door closes, leave the other door closed too. The A.C. is on! |
| All I'm saying is a good woman is like a good stance. Taken! |
| Me: Sorry boss can't come in today my car has broken down. Boss: What about the bus? Me: I don't have a bus! |
