| People say they slept like a baby as if it's a good thing. Waking up screaming every two hours doesn't sound that restful to me! |
| Myth: Earphones were invented so that you don't disturb others. Reality: Earphones were invented so that others don't disturb you! |
| Coffee is proof that God wants you working long hours at that mind-numbing, thankless job! |
| I'm not an early bird or a night owl... I'm some form of permanently exhausted pigeon! |
| I've got a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them works! |
| Mom: We have donated all your toys to the orphanage. Kid: Why? Mom: So you'll have something to play with them when we take you there! |
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Kid: Mom, am I adopted? Mom: No, not yet, we still haven't found anyone who wants you! |
| Pro Tip: Never invite an arsonist to a housewarming party! |
| When I accidentally make a noise that sounds like a fart, I'll do it over again just to make sure people know it wasn't a fart! |
| I think the Gods are Punjabi. Fed up with the state of the country one of them said, `Mitti Pao!` and the weather God took it too seriously! |
