| Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because they always have a great fall! |
| When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent! |
| P0rn, Netflix, read, nap, repeat. This is how I spend my weekend! |
| What did I learn today? The person ahead of you in the checkout line will always insist on paying with exact change! |
| The only reason I prefer burger over pizza is that you need money and friends to finish a pizza and I don't have either of them! |
| Wife: Why did you hire a bunch of writers to remodel our kitchen? Husband: They said they were prose! |
| Gay people are amazingly helpful. Not only they leave girls for us, they also take one guy with them from competition! |
| Pro Tip: Don't marry a tennis player, because love means nothing to them! |
| Facebook Reactions meanings when you upload a picture: 👍- Normal Friend ❤- A friend who likes you more than you like him 😯- Jisko believe Nahi Hota Ki Tumhari Bhi Picture Achhi Aa Sakti Hai 😢- The one who doesn't have a DSLR 😡- Jisko tum Saath Ghoomne Nahi Le Kar Gaye 😆- Best Friend |
| My wife got offended when I told her, she is my strength. She asked me if it means, other women are my weaknesses! |
