| Not bragging, but my wife describes my dressing style as "Are you wearing that?" |
| Wife: We'll talk about it when I'm not angry at you. Me: When is that, next year? |
| The most important invention in the history of mankind is not the wheel, it's the chair. If you don't agree, just go shopping with your wife! |
| Telling my wife that we're going out for dinner at someplace fancy is my way of getting 4 hours to myself while she gets ready! |
| Being a woman is so expensive. I know this because I have a wife! |
| My wife's top five favorite smells: 5. Coffee brewing 4. Pages of a new book 3. First rain 2. Freshly baked cake 1. Smoke that comes out when she's grilling me |
| According to a survey, the leading causes of death among men are: 1. Heart attacks 2. Strokes 3. Gifting wife a weighing scale and a diet book on her birthday |
| If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all! |
| "Good morning madam, I'm from the maintenance company. I understand there's something in the house that's not working." "Yes, he's upstairs!" |
| Whenever I give money to beggars, my wife tells me "they're going to get drunk with your money". As if I wasn't gonna do the same! |
