| My husband just called me pretentious. I was so surprised my monocle fell out! |
| Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade! |
| Wife: I am pissed! Husband: Again or still? |
| It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong! |
| I always keep the GPS in my car switched off as my wife doesn't want any other woman giving me orders! |
| Hate your job? Don't like spending long hours at work? The solution is simple, get married. You'll start loving your job! |
| On March 10th, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. Exactly after 5 minutes, he received a phone call from his wife asking him why he isn't answering her calls! |
| While Engaged: What is mine is yours and what is yours is mine. While Married: Your arm was on my half of the bed last night! |
| Yes, I have a woman's intuition. It's my wife's! |
| Bumped into a friend today, who got married the second time. I asked how's it going? He replied, "Same virus bro, different mutation!" |
