Marriage teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding...
And how to sleep on the edge of the bed!
Police: Why did you call 100?
Santa: My wife went shopping and hasn't returned.
Police: That's not an emergency.
Santa: It is! She had my credit card!
If you want to get married, marry your own girlfriend...
Otherwise, your family will find someone else's girlfriend for you!
Husband: Why are you always on your phone?
Wife: Because it's the only way I can get intelligent conversation around here!
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving!
They say wives don't accept their mistakes.
My wife accepts her mistake daily by saying, "I have made a big mistake by marrying you!"
According to statistics, girls tend to find a guy like their father.
That's why their mothers cry at their daughters' weddings!
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of them never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them!
In a Church:
Man: Father, all day I hear a voice telling me what to do. Am I possessed by the devil?
Father: No son, you are married!
My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down.
Told her it's because I can't stand doing it!