Mature Jokes

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first...

This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my...

Three men, an American, a German, and a Frenchman, completely drunk, after a late night dinner, are having a conversation.
The American: In my country we have buildings that...

Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"
"I've been circumcised...

The teacher asks the kids in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"How about you, Johnny?"
"I Wanna be a billionaire, go to the most expensive...

Haven't I seen you before? = Nice ass.
I'm a Romantic = I'm poor.
I need you = My hand is tired.
I am different from all the other guys...

An elderly lady asked a General what he did. She was told that the general was in charge of a division and was responsible for defence of his part of the land....

A man on a business trip to Las Vegas heard about how good the Las Vegas prostitutes were. So, on his first night there, he decided he would go out and try his luck. He walked outside his hotel and...

During an international gynecology conference, an English doctor and a French doctor were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.
"Only last week" the Frenchman said...

A 70 year old man went for a Sperm test. Doctor gave him a bottle to collect sperm.
Next day, the man came with empty bottle and said he tried with his left hand then right hand...