Mature Jokes

When the gynecologist confirmed her suspicion that she was pregnant, Judy got a little scared. "It`ll be my first baby," she confessed with a blush, "and actually I don`t know the first thing about how babies are delivered."

There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar. The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women cannot take enough pain to get a tattoo. After listening to the guys...

The teacher says, "Okay, class, we`re going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word `perhaps` in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won`t give us...

An Elderly lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the clerk advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring...

Two very nervous men got to talking in the doctor`s waiting room. They discovered they had similar symptoms: one had a red ring around the base of his penis and the other one had a green ring....

A honeymoon couple had booked a sleeper berth for their trip. However when boarding the train, they found their berths were both upper berths on opposite sides of the compartment...

Dirty Johnny climbs onto Santa`s lap at the department store. Santa says, "I`ll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells...

A man gets up one morning to find his wife already in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she`s cooking, and sees one of his socks in the frying pan. "What are you doing?" he asks...

A rather large lady had saved her money for a long time to be able to afford a cruise on a ship to the Bahamas. When she gets settled in her cabin she goes to the dining room for her first meal on board...

A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a pub and said, "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
"Yes I do," replied the beautiful young woman...