Mature Jokes

There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses."
She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get...

Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time...

An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about eighteen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl...

A High School teacher was giving her class a difficult assignment. She stressed the importance of this particular assignment. She said that no excuses would be accepted, unless there...

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that...

Three guys die and go to hell. When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their penises.
"Oh, how are you going to do it...

A guy is in the bathroom taking a piss when this huge man walks in and starts pissing in the urinal next to him. The guy just happens to look over and see the other guy...

A man and a woman are sitting next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn't sure...

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman...

She married and had 13 children.
Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children.
Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried...