Mature Jokes

During sex, the girlfriend started screaming, throwing hands and crying.
Boyfriend: What are you doing? This is not the first time we are doing...

A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?"
Looking back unimpressed at the man she replies, "Okay, but it won`t do you any good...

A wealthy socialite had a night out on the town with her friends. She awoke the next morning, totally naked and with a monster of a hang-over. So she rang for the butler and asked...

Daughter: Dad I gotta tell you something.
Dad: What`s that?
Daughter: I`m a lesbian...

A girl fell in love with a sailor and had his picture tattooed on her right breast. The romance waned. In due time, she fell in love with a soldier and had his picture...

A radio station was running a competition, words that weren`t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense...

Why I stopped dating school girls:
She came to my place in a school uniform, looked me into my eyes and said, "Sweetheart, I have missed my periods...

Josh lusted after Linda. When she finally agreed to go out with him, he took her out to dinner and then afterwards, drove her five miles out into the country...

Signboard outside a Prayer Hall:
Please Do Not Leave Your Bags, Wallets, Cell Phones Unattended... Others Might Think Those...

"Doctor, I need your help," the woman says.
"What seems to be the problem?"
"My husband just doesn`t satisfy me sexually...