Marriage teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding...
And how to sleep on the edge of the bed!
Police: Why did you call 100?
Santa: My wife went shopping and hasn't returned.
Police: That's not an emergency.
Santa: It is! She had my credit card!
If you want to get married, marry your own girlfriend...
Otherwise, your family will find someone else's girlfriend for you!
Husband: Why are you always on your phone?
Wife: Because it's the only way I can get intelligent conversation around here!
Balance is not something you find.
It's something you create!
Grades don't measure intelligence and age doesn't define maturity!
Politics:
(n.) Poli (Many)+Tics (Bloodsucking Creatures) = Many Bloodsucking Creatures
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving!
My fitness instructor wants me to touch my toes.
But I don't have that kind of relationship with my feet!
Life is ironic.
It takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence and absence to value presence!
