Credit card offers are like marriage proposals...
Sounds sweet at first, but you’re stuck paying for years!
What do you call a Chinese guy who hurt his leg?
Lim Ping
Wednesday is like the middle child of the week -- ignored and underappreciated!
There comes a point where a person goes from "old enough to know better" to "too old to know better."
Stayed up all night trying to remember if I have amnesia or insomnia.
Some people have a guardian angel. Mine just watches like it’s a reality show
Married people have, on average, twice as many family emergencies.
If you know you're alone in the middle of the night it's not really scary. It's the "What if I'm not alone?" that makes it scary.
You know you moved on from someone when you delete their pics just to free up storage.
Every day you survive statistically increases your odds of dying tomorrow.
