An umbrella has exactly two functional modes:
Aggressively refusing to open when it starts pouring, and instantly turning inside out the moment a single gentle breeze hits it.
Monsoon has finally arrived.
Municipal Corporations are once again acting completely surprised.
Not everyone understands football. A fan posted the Brazil vs Croatia score on FB:
3 BRA - 1 CR
I failed my driver's test today.
The instructor asked me, "What do you do at a red light?"
I said, "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on social media."
I'm great at multitasking - I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once
Man: Why do we get a hangover after drinking?
Monk: When you play with spirits, they come back to haunt you the next day!
My laptop battery has officially developed a better work-life balance than I have; when it hits 1%, it simply shuts down and refuses to compromise.
Alcohol doesn't solve problems.
It just makes me confident enough to face them.
I specialize in turning simple tasks into complicated missions.
My math teacher called me average.
How mean...
