If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all!
"Good morning madam, I'm from the maintenance company. I understand there's something in the house that's not working."
"Yes, he's upstairs!"
Whenever I give money to beggars, my wife tells me "they're going to get drunk with your money".
As if I wasn't gonna do the same!
My husband just called me pretentious.
I was so surprised my monocle fell out!
Don't tell people to respect their elders. Be an elder worth respecting!
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!
Wife: I am pissed!
Husband: Again or still?
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong!
I always keep the GPS in my car switched off as my wife doesn't want any other woman giving me orders!
My self-care is just knowing there's a bag of unopened double stuffed Oreos hidden in the pantry!
