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Upload to Facebook "Good morning madam, I'm from the maintenance company. I understand there's something in the house that's not working."
"Yes, he's upstairs!" -
Upload to Facebook The snoring of men is the Karma of women.
Women don't shut up all day and men don't shut up all night! -
Upload to Facebook A friend is a push when you have stopped.
A chat when you are lonely. A guide when you are searching.
A smile when you are sad. And a song when you are glad! -
Upload to Facebook Whenever I give money to beggars, my wife tells me "they're going to get drunk with your money".
As if I wasn't gonna do the same! -
Upload to Facebook I always get nostalgic putting my car in reverse.
It really takes me back! -
Upload to Facebook My husband just called me pretentious.
I was so surprised my monocle fell out! -
Upload to Facebook "What's the Wi-Fi password?"
~ How people say hello these days! -
Upload to Facebook I bought my daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday.
Just so glad she's now finally 'independent'! -
Upload to Facebook It just occurred to me that the opposite of Artificial Intelligence is...
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Real Stupid! -
Upload to Facebook Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I'm returning this piece of junk to IKEA!
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