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Upload to Facebook I told my son he shouldn't listen to losers.
Now he won't talk to me! -
Upload to Facebook I just called the paranoia hotline.
A guy answered, "How did you get this number?!" -
Upload to Facebook What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a pause at the end of its clause! -
Upload to Facebook Dear Boys,
Crush Ke Saath Late Night Conversations Ko Pyaar Mat Samjho,
Ho Sakta Hai Uska Boyfriend Jaldi So Geya Ho! -
Upload to Facebook My wife said I'd gotten fat since she married me.
I said "Yeah, you got 50% more of me. That's a great return on investment!" -
Upload to Facebook Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?
Because deep down they're really good people! -
Upload to Facebook Life doesn't just throw the things to you that you desire most. You have to earn them with every bit of your blood and sweat! -
Upload to Facebook I always tell my kids, no matter what, always do whatever their heart tells them to do.
But also to check with their mother first... if it's OK with her! -
Upload to Facebook Women never argue. They just ferociously explain why you're wrong! -
Upload to Facebook Doctor, filling medical report: You have a broken hand, severe concussion and bruised eyes. Are you married?
Me: Yes, but my wife didn't do it. I fell off the bike this time!
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