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Upload to Facebook I wish every time I said something stupid to my wife, a red squiggly line appeared underneath! -
Upload to Facebook We all know mirrors don't lie.
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Some people should be grateful that they don't laugh! -
Upload to Facebook I have done some terrible things for money.
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Like getting up early to go to work! -
Upload to Facebook Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.
When life is a b*tch, beer is a must! -
Upload to Facebook Today I learned that the average person consumes 9 alcoholic drinks in a week.
Today I also learned that I am above average! -
Upload to Facebook You know when Donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking?
That's what it's like having kids! -
Upload to Facebook Embrace each accolade as a stepping stone to greater heights.
Your success journey has just begun!
Good Morning! -
Upload to Facebook I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothes.
If I had any loose-fitting clothes, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! -
Upload to Facebook Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of them never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them! -
Upload to Facebook Every now and then look around and simply be happy for what you already have in your life!
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