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You know that burning sensation in your throat when you drink whiskey?
That's just your soul healing! -
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A therapist set a half glass of whiskey in front of a patient and asked him if he was an optimist or a pessimist.
The patient drank it and answered, "Neither. I am a problem solver!" -
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What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally! -
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What's the one vegetable you should never bring on a ship with you?
A leek! -
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1998: Don't get in the car with strangers.
2008: Don't meet people from the internet alone.
2021: Share a car ride with random people! -
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You know Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother...
Sudden Lee! -
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Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it's over your head! -
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Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They're always stuffed! -
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I don't understand why banks get upset when a person can't repay a loan.
You already know that the person had no money when he came to borrow it! -
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My girlfriend dumped me due to my obsession with comic books.
She said I have too many issues!
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