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Upload to Facebook A lady approached me, and said, "Every time you smile, I want to give you my number!"
I said, "Aww that's sweet. Are you single?"
She replied, "No. I'm a dentist!" -
Upload to Facebook Waitress: How did you find your steak, Sir?
I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was! -
Upload to Facebook I made a graph showing all my past relationships.
It has an ex-axis and a why-axis! -
Upload to Facebook Just In:
The Russian vaccine will be sold in India as Putinjali! -
Upload to Facebook My wife and kids are threatening to walk out of the house because of my addiction to horse racing.
And they're off! -
Upload to Facebook I tried to carry my oversized board game onto the plane, but I wasn't allowed.
They said the risk was too big! -
Upload to Facebook I wish I were a woman. I would know everything then! -
Upload to Facebook I always get nostalgic putting my car in reverse.
It really takes me back! -
Upload to Facebook "What's the Wi-Fi password?"
~ How people say hello these days! -
Upload to Facebook I bought my daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday.
Just so glad she's now finally 'independent'!
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