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Upload to Facebook Dentists always ask dumb questions like `When's the last time you flossed?`
Like bro, you were there. You did it! -
Upload to Facebook I once entered the world kleptomaniac championships.
I took gold, silver, and bronze! -
Upload to Facebook I got tired of being judged for going bald so I went out and bought a cheap wig.
It was a small price toupee! -
Upload to Facebook The wife was checking her husband's phone and saw a contact named COVID-19, she called the number and her own phone rang.
And the husband is now isolated! -
Upload to Facebook A man was brought to court in connection with a street accident.
Lawyer: How did you cause the accident?
Man: Which accident?
Lawyer: The accident for which you are in court now.
Man: I had fallen asleep before the accident happened. If I had been awake I could tell you! -
Upload to Facebook I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said 'do you mind if I put some music on?'
I said, "Not at all." He said, "Kiss?"
I said, "Let's listen to the music first and see how we feel!" -
Upload to Facebook I've got a German friend who's a sound technician.
I've got a Czech one too. Czech one too! -
Upload to Facebook Patient: Doctor, over the last three days I have followed your instructions. I have not eaten any food added with preservative colour or even sprayed. I have not even touched them.
Doctor: Great! So how do you feel now?
Patient: Hungry! Extremely hungry! -
Upload to Facebook How do you make gold soup?
You put 24 carrots in it! -
Upload to Facebook Customer: I'd like your mildest roast, please.
Barista: You have got really average ears!
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