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Upload to Facebook I pointed towards two old drunks sitting across the table in the bar and told my friend "We'll be like that in another 10 years."
He said, "That's a mirror, you idiot!" -
Upload to Facebook The filthiest pub I was ever in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn! -
Upload to Facebook Maybe we don't lose our socks, maybe our socks get a divorce and the one you have is the one who got to keep you! -
Upload to Facebook Parenting is such hard work.
But you know what? At the end of the day?
You are exhausted from all the hard work! -
Upload to Facebook My inflatable house got a puncture last night.
Now, I'm living in a flat! -
Upload to Facebook I tried donating blood today. Never again. Too many questions.
`Who's blood is this?", "How did you get it?", `Why is it in a bucket?" -
Upload to Facebook As a kid, I wasn't a fan of facial hair.
But then it started to grow on me! -
Upload to Facebook My wife left me because I'm insecure... No wait, she's back, she just went to get coffee! -
Upload to Facebook Waiter: Is Pepsi OK?
Me: I don't judge. I'm cola blind! -
Upload to Facebook I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words!
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