| I wear a wedding ring, though I'm neither married nor engaged. I do it to warn off predators like cougars. And grizzly bears. |
| I cried during my wedding, but my wife did not. That's natural, because I was losing my freedom, and she was gaining a slave. |
| I believe in a traditional wedding, with one guy, one girl, and one dad with a shotgun. |
| Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers. |
| My birthday is on a holiday, I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me. |
| Here is my naked body. Take a long look at what nobody else can look at. And hurry up, before all the spectators show up. |
| A shopping cart flipped upside down forms a cage that I use to protect myself from consumerism. |
| They say a sneeze is 1/10th of an orgasm. Perhaps that's why it takes me 18 seconds to sneeze. |
| Who'd cum first, you or your clone? To find out, why don't you go fuck yourself? |
| Excuse me, madam, but may I rub my erection up against your buttocks, because I mistakenly took Viagra thinking it was Vitamin C? |