| We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. |
| You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough. |
| I'm currently fasting to protest hunger strikes. |
| People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up. |
| I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness. I left it blank. |
| I heard that the idea for the patent was stolen. |
| A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash. |
| I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. |
| Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. |
| Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. |