| Therapist: What brings you in today? Man: I have a terrible fear of Tsunamis. Therapist: How bad is it? Man: It comes in waves! |
| I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver. I looked at it and thought, "This isn't for me!" |
| Just heard a man had an accident while playing 'peek-a-boo'. He's currently in the 'ICU'! |
| Modern appliances are really spying on us and sending back data on our habits. It's not new... Vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years! |
| Even the most spiritual beings want their Tupperware boxes back! |
| So I named my phone Titanic. Now, whenever I use Bluetooth it says that Titanic is syncing! |
| My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun. Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years! |
| While at home: Why isn't there more kindness in the world? While driving: I hate every single person on this planet! |
| If you see someone wearing a $20,000 watch, it's hard to know if they're really good with money or really bad with money! |
| Finding grey hair is a sign of youth. Older people don't have to "find" it. It's just there! |
