| The gardening season is off to a great start. I planted myself in front of the TV five weeks ago, and I've already grown noticeably! |
| Having practiced lethargy for 52 weeks I'm ready to audition for... "INDIAN IDLE"! |
| I have just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax! |
| So sad that some friends call you only when they need something from you, like the money you owe them! |
| I told my son he shouldn't listen to losers. Now he won't talk to me! |
| I just called the paranoia hotline. A guy answered, "How did you get this number?!" |
| What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a pause at the end of its clause! |
| Dear Boys, Crush Ke Saath Late Night Conversations Ko Pyaar Mat Samjho, Ho Sakta Hai Uska Boyfriend Jaldi So Geya Ho! |
| I always tell my kids, no matter what, always do whatever their heart tells them to do. But also to check with their mother first... if it's OK with her! |
| The biggest form of peer pressure as a kid wasn't drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. It came during exams when it was completely silent and you heard everyone turn to page 2 while you were still on the first question! |
