| If you're not supposed to eat at midnight, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator? |
| I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it! |
| I've been screwing all weekend and my wrist is killing me. Installing drywall is hard work! |
| Here's some advice: At a job interview, tell them you're willing to give 110 percent. Unless you're applying to be a statistician! |
| I called her last night and told her, "I miss you honey!" and her mother replied, "Honey is sleeping, you are talking with the bee!" |
| A boy sent a message to another boy: Stop texting my girlfriend. The second boy replied: Chill bro, she is dating both of us. You are my boyfriend-in-law! |
| Unless a man is in diapers, you can't change him! |
| Once you reach a certain level of stupidity, you will never lose another argument ever again! |
| Are people born with a photographic memory? Or does it take time to develop? |
| Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and feel glad that you are alive? I just did, and apparently, I won't be allowed on this airline again! |
