| "How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. "My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question!" |
| I named my toilet Jim instead of John. Everyone is so impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim every morning! |
| When I was young, my astrologer said I was born for bigger things in life. Pretty accurate prediction! I moved from S-> M-> L-> XL-> XXL |
| Michael Schumacher may be the fastest driver but have you seen me driving to the liquor store minutes before it closes? |
| Other Countries: He is 10 years old. India: Bas Das Poore Hogaye Gyarahwa Lag Gaya Hai! |
| Others: Valentine. Me: Velatime! |
| A neighbor's dog pooped in our garden. My wife told me to take a shovel and throw it into their garden. I wasn't sure why but I still did exactly what she told me.
Now my wife's upset with me because the shovel is in the neighbor's garden and the poop is still in our garden! |
| Tell someone you meditated for 2 hours and they are super impressed. But tell them you napped for 2 hours and suddenly you're lazy! |
| It is human to make a mistake unless you make one in a Captcha! |
| School is not hard. Paying attention to something you're not interested in is! |
