• While at home: Why isn't there more kindness in the world?<br/>
While driving: I hate every single person on this planet!Upload to Facebook
    While at home: Why isn't there more kindness in the world?
    While driving: I hate every single person on this planet!
  • My girlfriend complains a lot that I don't smile anymore.<br/>
Well, she's the one who wanted a serious relationship!Upload to Facebook
    My girlfriend complains a lot that I don't smile anymore.
    Well, she's the one who wanted a serious relationship!
  • Saw an old man dancing in the street. I think he finally cleared his CA exam!Upload to Facebook
    Saw an old man dancing in the street. I think he finally cleared his CA exam!
  • I do not trip over things...<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
I just perform random gravity checks!Upload to Facebook
    I do not trip over things...
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    I just perform random gravity checks!
  • If the present situation continues, 'Car' may be added to the immovable property list!Upload to Facebook
    If the present situation continues, 'Car' may be added to the immovable property list!
  • Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed.<br/>
How could anyone stoop so low?Upload to Facebook
    Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed.
    How could anyone stoop so low?
  • Now that I have lived through an actual plague, I totally understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are full of naked fat people laying on couches!Upload to Facebook
    Now that I have lived through an actual plague, I totally understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are full of naked fat people laying on couches!
  • I've got a condition that causes me to make terrible puns.<br/>
It's a dad-ly disease!Upload to Facebook
    I've got a condition that causes me to make terrible puns.
    It's a dad-ly disease!
  • The 20s - Invite everyone! The more the merrier.<br/>
The 50s - Do we have to have a party? I hate everyone!Upload to Facebook
    The 20s - Invite everyone! The more the merrier.
    The 50s - Do we have to have a party? I hate everyone!
  • Ancient Egyptian architect: `Do you know how to build a pyramid?`<br/>
Ancient Egyptian builder: `Well, err yeah, up to a point!`Upload to Facebook
    Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"
    Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, up to a point!"
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