Constipated people don't give a crap.
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
I was born intelligent but education ruined me.
Bacon and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
I used to be afraid of the dark. Now I'm terrified of the electricity bill.
If you don't like the news, go out and make your own.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
A one with one chop stick goes hungry.