Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them.
The last time anyone told me I looked hot, I was in a Sauna.
Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness, obviously didn't know where to shop.
I'm not drunk, I'm just talking in cursive.
Beauty lies in the hidden file folders of my cell phone.
I'm not fat. I'm just so sexy that it overflows.
Make the little things count. Teach midgets math.
Please enjoy alcoholism responsibly!
