I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight
Men are like vacations...They never seem to last long enough
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
Wives are funny creatures... They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does!
College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in and nine months later you wish you'd never come.
Men are like bagpipes... you won't get anywhere unless you blow them first!
When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!
There is a new vitamin from chickens blood, it makes men cocky, and women lay better.
The girl who remembers her first kiss now has a daughter who can't even remember her first husband.
A man must be potent and orgasmic to ensure the future of the race. A woman only needs to be available.