Clean Jokes

Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda...

A woman goes to the doctor, worried about her husband`s temper. The doctor asks, "What`s the problem?"
The woman says, "Doctor, I don`t know what to do. Every day my husband...

Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing...

With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight."
As expected, the wife wasn`t happy at being imposed..

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You`re cooking too many once at once...

March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn`t? I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad...

Jenny was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman`s work! But one evening...

Joe finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching...

Mr Jones drove his secretary home after she had had a little too much to drink at their new year`s office party. She was sooooo drunk. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife...

A man is in court. Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you`ll have to give us a damn good reason."
Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her...