| One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible. The church he entered was in a very upscale part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The other people in the congregation were all wearing upscale, expensive clothing. As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were appalled at his appearance and didn't attempt to hide it. As the old cowboy was leaving the church after the service the preacher went up to him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would. But the next Sunday he was wearing the sameragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. After the service the preacher again went over to the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God about your attire before you came back to our church." "I did," replied the old cowboy. "And what did God tell you the proper attire would be for worshiping here?" asked the preacher. "Well, sir,` the cowboy replied, `God told me He didn't have a clue what I should wear because He'd never been in this church." |
| Some ecclesiastical gentlemen -- a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others -- were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up. He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let a new arrival through first. A sweet young thing in a mini-skirt arrived and was ushered through. The cardinal was a bit upset about this and demanded an explanation from St. Peter. After all, they had been waiting outside for quite some time and were pillars of the church. How could a girl in a mini-skirt deserve better treatment? St. Peter smiled and told him, "While she was alive, that young lady drove a little yellow sports car. She regularly jumped red lights, overtook on blind corners, and generally scared the devil out of more people than all of you combined." |
| A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, when he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove. At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed, "Come down, Holy Spirit!" Still no sign of the dove. The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters, "Sir, a yellow cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the yellow cat?" |
| There was a young priest who was having trouble both writing and delivering his sermons. So he asked his Bishop for help. The wise old Bishop said, "Well you might start with something to attract and hold their attention, such as, 'Last night I was in the warm embrace of a good woman,' that will get their attention then you go on to talk about how warm and accepting she was and at the end reveal she was your mother; that is great for sermons about family love." The young priest decided to take the advice. The following Sunday he got into the pulpit and said, "Last night I was in the arms of a hot woman," he paused. The congregation was totally transfixed; no lack of attention now. But he had forgotten what come next, so he stumbled on about how great she was and how good she made him feel. Then he thought of a way to get out of his problem. He said in conclusion, "Well I may not remember who she was, but she was recommended by the Bishop!" |