Mature Jokes

After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said, "What can I get you...

At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?"
The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like...

I met this girl and I told her, "I will give you $20 if you will have sex the way I want it."
She said, "No, I`m not some cheap whore."
I said, "I will give you $100 dollars if you have sex...

Friend 1: Kal Meri Girlfriend Ka Birthday Hai, Uske Haath Main Kya Gift Dun?
Friend 2: Apna De De!!!
Friend 1: Mazaak Mat Kar Yaar, Koi Badi Cheez Bata.
Friend 2: Toh Tu Aisa Kar...

A few years ago, Todd and his now ex, are throwing a dinner party and Todd, who is very thin and bony, is walking around the house wearing only his boxers. His wife comes out...

On the last day of his French class, Professor Lint goes over the final exam.
"The exam will test your comprehension. It`ll be divided into two parts: a multiple choice exam, and...

A priest and a rabbi were talking when the rabbi asked the priest about confession. "I have an idea," said the priest. Why don`t you sit with me on my side of the confession booth and hear it for...

Wife: Jaanu, Aaj Sex Ho Jaye.
Husband: Aaj Nahi.
Wife: Kyun?
Husband: Aaj Condom Laana Bhul Gaya.
Wife: Teri Toh Roz Ki magaj Maari Hai...

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 72 years old.
Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my....

A man goes into a hamburger stand and orders a burger. The waitress takes out two frozen patties and sticks them under her arms.
The man says, "What the heck are you doing...