Clean Jokes

By the time the morning service was to begin, only one man was in the church.
The priest said to him, 'It looks like everyone has slept in. Do you want to go home or should I preach the sermon?'
The man replied, 'When I go to...

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout 'PRAISE THE LORD!'
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, 'There ain`t no Lord!!'
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she...

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest says...

An elderly man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter welcomes him but states that the man must know how to spell the secret password to get in.
The old man replies, 'You mean I don`t have to know it, I just have to spell it?'
Saint Peter says...

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, 'If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I`ll quit!'
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say...

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said 'OK, OK. You released me from the lamp. This is the fourth time this month and I`m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only...

An Illinois man left the snow filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.
His wife was on a trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his motel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address...

A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast.
On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, 'Good morning sisters' and they reply in a sing song manner, 'You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.'
This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on.
He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says...

There was a man called Joe, who lived near a river.
Joe was a very religious man.
One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and he was forced to climb onto his porch roof.
While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and...

A minister would up the services one morning by saying, 'Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark.'
On the following Sunday...