"Good morning madam, I'm from the maintenance company. I understand there's something in the house that's not working."
"Yes, he's upstairs!"
The snoring of men is the Karma of women.
Women don't shut up all day and men don't shut up all night!
A friend is a push when you have stopped.
A chat when you are lonely. A guide when you are searching.
A smile when you are sad. And a song when you are glad!
Whenever I give money to beggars, my wife tells me "they're going to get drunk with your money".
As if I wasn't gonna do the same!
I always get nostalgic putting my car in reverse.
It really takes me back!
My husband just called me pretentious.
I was so surprised my monocle fell out!
"What's the Wi-Fi password?"
~ How people say hello these days!
I bought my daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday.
Just so glad she's now finally 'independent'!
It just occurred to me that the opposite of Artificial Intelligence is...
.
.
.
.
.
.
Real Stupid!
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I'm returning this piece of junk to IKEA!
