Bumped into a friend today, who got married the second time. I asked how's it going?
He replied, "Same virus bro, different mutation!"
I'm not interested in long romantic walks on the beach.
I'm interested in short quick walks to the cake in the fridge!
I hate it when I wake up in the morning & I still have to be a responsible adult!
Do you remember, before the internet people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to the information?
Yeah. It wasn't that!
Calories don't count on weekends. So indulge without guilt.
Happy Weekend!
Blonde: Do you have any children?
Man: Yes, I have one that's just under two.
Blonde: I may be blonde, but I know how many one is!
A guy on phone: Good morning, is this the helpline for Alcoholics?
Executive: Yes.
Guy: How does one make Mojito?
What do you call a typo on a headstone?
A grave mistake!
I know it sounds mean but when I'm mad at my wife and want to lash out, I buy some new clothes without her approving them first!
My wife told me that my habit of lying about everything is irritating. But I think it's not true, I'm sure she's irritated about the fact that I win all our arguments!
