The Angel of Death said, "I've come for you."
The man replied, "Why? I'm fine, I'm happy, I'm healthy!"
The angel said, "You left your phone at home without locking it, and your wife found it."
Man, "Alright then... let's go."
What do you call someone that saw an iPhone being stolen?
An iWitness!
Soldier, what is your first name?"
"It's D-d-d-david, sir."
"Do you have a stutter, soldier?"
"No sir, but my father did, and the guy who filled out the birth certificate was a real asshole."
I told a joke this morning in a Zoom meeting. No one laughed.
Seems I'm not remotely funny.
We had a teacher in school that was cross eyed. They say he had issues controlling his pupils
My wife texted me this morning and said, "Your great."
I replied, "No, 'you're great.'."
She's been in a great mood ever since. I should correct her grammar more often.
I texted my wife I Love U. She texted back saying.... That's my favourite letter too.
People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.
Foreigner: Is it always this hot in India?
Indian: No, no… sometimes it rains and gets humid too!
Foreigner: Uses sunscreen to avoid tan.
Indian: Uses Fair & Lovely to remove tan!
