Santa was sitting in a park.
Banta: What are you doing here?
Santa: I am taking a revenge.
Banta: From whom?
Santa: From Time. It wasted my life. Now I am wasting it!
Santa: My mistress is well pissed off with me after last night.
Banta: What happened?
Santa: I got really drunk and ended up waking up in the wrong house. My wife was glad to see me, though...
Santa: My in-laws gifted me a car on my 10th wedding anniversary.
Banta: What model is the car?
Santa: It's not a model; it's a horrible example!
Santa: A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house.
Banta: So sad. Which part did he get?
Santa: He got the outside!
Santa: We ran into our neighbours yesterday. All my wife's fault.
Banta (confused): Wife's fault?
Santa: Actually, she was driving!
Santa: I got into trouble with my wife again...
Banta: How?
Santa: She came into the bar looking for me and I asked for her number!
Santa: I always give waiters a tip.
Banta: That's nice of you.
Santa: But somehow, they never seem to appreciate my advice!
Santa: My wife thinks I'm too nosey...
Banta: What makes you infer so?
Santa: At least, that's what she wrote in her diary!
Santa: I would have been a very successful man but for Newton?
Banta: How's Newton responsible for it?
Santa: Gravity always gets me down!
Santa: My doctor told me to start killing people.
Banta: Which crazy doctor is this?
Santa: Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing, really!