If your wife has a friend that annoys you, don't tell your wife to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how pretty she is!
Husband: I would love to see you in something long and flowing tonight.
Wife: Awww like a new dress?
Husband: No, A river!
Dear Husbands,
If your wife is upset with you for a reason unknown to you, just apologize to her.
Or face the consequences!
Son: You know, cockroaches can live for 9 days without their heads before they starve to death. Wife, looking at me: That's nothing, some people I know have been living without a brain for more than 30 years!
My wife told me that she has a throat infection and the doctor advised her to take a voice rest for a couple of days. That doctor is my favorite person now!
The wife called the husband as he was having a drink at the bar. Wife: I've cooked dinner, and if you're not home within 20 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog. Husband: Don't punish the dog for my mistake!
A man may be a fool and never realize it. Unless, of course, he is married!
"This month your wife will speak less." It has nothing to do with astrology... it's just that this month only 28 days!
Husband calls his wife: Wife: Bhonko! Husband: Kabhi To Thodi Tameez Aur Izzat Se Baat Kar Liya Karo. Wife: Bhonkiye!
When my wife starts fighting with me, I see and start to believe in flying saucers... and plates... and glasses!