To some, marriage is a word.
To others, a sentence - a life sentence!
Before marriage: Fat bank account and a thin body.
After marriage: Thin bank account and fat body!
Kidnapper: We have your husband.
Wife: Where did you abduct him from?
Kidnapper: Gym
Wife: Hahaha, then that's not my husband!
My wife's memory is terrible. She never forgets anything!
Before our marriage, when my wife told me that she's a cat person, I should have realized that for the rest of my life she's gonna sit on the other side of the bed & ignore me all day!
Wife: You know what day today is?
Me: Our anniversary?
Wife: No, it's Friday, the 13th. The scariest day.
Me: Oh so it's the same!
Me: Please bring me a screwdriver.
Wife: Flathead, Phillips or Vodka?
And that was when I knew she was the one!
My wife texted me `You are right, I was wrong and I'm sorry` but it seems her phone's autocorrect changed it to `Whatever`!
Newly married friend: My husband is my best friend.
My wife: Just wait for a few months. He'll be your worst enemy!
Going to the mall for shopping with your wife is like going to the casino for gambling, you lose track of the time and don't know how much money you have spent!
