"Good morning madam, I'm from the maintenance company. I understand there's something in the house that's not working."
"Yes, he's upstairs!"
Whenever I give money to beggars, my wife tells me "they're going to get drunk with your money".
As if I wasn't gonna do the same!
My husband just called me pretentious.
I was so surprised my monocle fell out!
Don't tell people to respect their elders. Be an elder worth respecting!
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!
Wife: I am pissed!
Husband: Again or still?
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong!
I always keep the GPS in my car switched off as my wife doesn't want any other woman giving me orders!
My self-care is just knowing there's a bag of unopened double stuffed Oreos hidden in the pantry!
Memories are always special.
Sometimes we laugh by remembering the days we cried, and we cry by remembering the days we laughed.
That's life!
