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Upload to Facebook I've got a German friend who's a sound technician.
I've got a Czech one too. Czech one too! -
Upload to Facebook Patient: Doctor, over the last three days I have followed your instructions. I have not eaten any food added with preservative colour or even sprayed. I have not even touched them.
Doctor: Great! So how do you feel now?
Patient: Hungry! Extremely hungry! -
Upload to Facebook Did you hear the one about the greedy peanut butter?
I am not telling you. You might spread it! -
Upload to Facebook How do you make gold soup?
You put 24 carrots in it! -
Upload to Facebook Customer: I'd like your mildest roast, please.
Barista: You have got really average ears! -
Upload to Facebook I pointed towards two old drunks sitting across the table in the bar and told my friend "We'll be like that in another 10 years."
He said, "That's a mirror, you idiot!" -
Upload to Facebook The filthiest pub I was ever in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn! -
Upload to Facebook Maybe we don't lose our socks, maybe our socks get a divorce and the one you have is the one who got to keep you! -
Upload to Facebook Parenting is such hard work.
But you know what? At the end of the day?
You are exhausted from all the hard work! -
Upload to Facebook My inflatable house got a puncture last night.
Now, I'm living in a flat!
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