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Upload to Facebook Everyone in the office was upset hearing my wife shouting at me.
I think it's high time I change my phone's ringtone! -
Upload to Facebook My friend keeps saying "Cheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I know he means well! -
Upload to Facebook Kids who get the perfect attendance award are either really lucky to have avoided being sick most of the year or really unlucky to have parents that made them go to school even when they felt like sh*t! -
Upload to Facebook Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
Reports say it was due to too many strokes! -
Upload to Facebook Have you heard the joke about the butter?
I better not tell you, it might spread! -
Upload to Facebook Did you know?
The furniture in the Kung Fu movies breaks so easily not because of the good martial artists in China, it's because the furniture is Made in China! -
Upload to Facebook In this hi-tech era, we can transmit information from Mars but my cellular network doesn't even reach my bedroom! -
Upload to Facebook I am at that point where I'm not even procrastinating anymore, I'm just jeopardizing my future! -
Upload to Facebook All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
Eating vegetables.
Staying home.
Having a nap.
Going to bed early! -
Upload to Facebook Pro Tip:
The easiest way to enter a woman's heart is by saying those three words:
"You lost weight!"
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