I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night! |
At a party last night, all men were asked to form 2 lanes, 1 for those who are controlled by their wives & 1 for those who control their wives. Only 1 man stood in the 2nd lane. So I asked him how he manages to control his wife? He said, "What control? My wife told me to stand here!" |
Me: My mother still loves to talk about the time when I peed in my pants. Coworker: Oh so cute, how old were you? Me: 35 |
Ab Toh Ghar Bhi Train Jaisa Lagne Laga Hai... Bas Toilet Karke Aao Aur Apni Seat Pe Baith Jao! |
When Isaac Newton went into quarantine during the Bubonic Plague from 1665-1666, he used the time to work out the laws and formulas for Gravity and Motion. work out his theory of optics and the spectrum of light, and invent Calculus. But, don't feel any pressure, keep watching Netflix! |
Got drunk yesterday and puked in the elevator on my way back home. It was disgusting on so many levels! |
What did the computer say to the other after a 16-hour car ride? "Damn that was a hard drive!" |
As a kid, a friend living 15 minutes was really far away. As an adult, a friend living 15 minutes away is really close! |
The government says we should have a cashless economy soon. No worries, married life has already prepared me for that! |
Kal Biwi Khaane Mein Namak Daalna Bhool Gayi Aur Main Sara Din Isi Tension Mein Ghoom Raha Tha Ki Taste Aana Band Ho Geya Hai! |