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Upload to Facebook When I see "wife is typing" and it stays that way for 5 minutes, I drive to the airport, catch a flight to another country and start a new life! -
Upload to Facebook I went to a deli and said, I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese. The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards! -
Upload to Facebook My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist! -
Upload to Facebook What happens when you put your hand in a blender? You get a hand shake! -
Upload to Facebook Praising another woman in front of your wife is like smoking a cigarette at a petrol pump! -
Upload to Facebook People who don't agree with something I say, it's Okay. You are entitled to your wrong opinion! -
Upload to Facebook Mosquito is the most amazing singer in the world. Even if you hate its song, it makes you clap! -
Upload to Facebook Math Problem of the day: If George is 73 and his girlfriend is 26, how much money does George have? -
Upload to Facebook Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H2O. The other says, "I'll have H2O too." The second man dies! -
Upload to Facebook Pro Tip: Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!
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