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Upload to Facebook Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y? -
Upload to Facebook I pulled a mustache hair out today while I was at a restaurant. I don't know why the waitress was upset & called the security. I was just trying to help her! -
Upload to Facebook It's called 'Reading'. It's how our generation upload software into our brains! -
Upload to Facebook The irony of Life: Remember those days when people used to write diaries and got mad when someone read them. Now they put everything on Facebook and get mad when people don't read them! -
Upload to Facebook If you're not supposed to eat at midnight, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator? -
Upload to Facebook I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it! -
Upload to Facebook I've been screwing all weekend and my wrist is killing me. Installing drywall is hard work! -
Upload to Facebook Here's some advice: At a job interview, tell them you're willing to give 110 percent. Unless you're applying to be a statistician! -
Upload to Facebook I called her last night and told her, "I miss you honey!" and her mother replied, "Honey is sleeping, you are talking with the bee!" -
Upload to Facebook A boy sent a message to another boy: Stop texting my girlfriend. The second boy replied: Chill bro, she is dating both of us. You are my boyfriend-in-law!
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